Writings of Emily Boswell
Blog and Portfolio
I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated. I'm tired. I'm disappointed. Last year I applied to five Master of Fine Arts Programs in Creative Writing. This was going to be the next big step as a writer, and towards a career as a professor of creative writing. One rejection came in, then another, and another, until all five schools had given me no's. I was bummed, but not surprised. MFA programs are extremely competitive, and due to financial constraints I was only able to apply to a few. But it was still a major blow to my self-esteem. For a couple months I questioned if this was the right path for me. I wondered if I should apply to different programs and consider a different career path. Should I get a Masters in English? Should I teach high school? Should I teach at all? Am I really as good of a writer as I think I am? I finally told my husband, Charles my doubts. He asked if I really wanted a different degree. Did I want anything other than this MFA? I didn't, I don't. My gut twists up at the thought of settling. He said, so what's the point? He's right. There is no other option. Then of course the Coronavirus hit and oh boy, I can't even imagine having to plan moving to another state and starting grad school right now. I would have probably had to turn down a dream program even if I got in. My mindset started shifting from self doubt, to relief. Staying here another year means we can focus on paying off debts, and better preparing ourselves for a big move. I get to spend another year in Michigan with my friends, be here for my cousins wedding in October, and be close by for my mom's upcoming surgery. Charles recently graduated with his degree in Art Education and can now fully focus on work and gaining valuable teaching experience. We'll also have a chance to save up more money, and I can apply to several more schools. Not to sound too cheesy, but it does feel like everything happens for a reason. This just wasn't the right time. Creatively speaking there's a lot to be thankful for too. I'm taking that frustration, that doubt, that self-hate and I'm using it as fuel. I'm reading more, I'm revising more, and I'm writing more. It's a strange, scary time right now being in the midst of a pandemic, but 2020 is shaping up to be a major year for writing. I will put together stronger applications, I will apply to more schools, and I will get into an Master of Fine Arts program. I'm hopeful. I'm motivated. I'm determined.
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AuthorEmily Boswell is a Michigan writer and digital marketing manager. She enjoys writing short stories and flash, and is currently working on her debut novel. Archives
September 2020
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